Why So Many Couples Stop Having Sex

In an age of constant connection, it might seem paradoxical that many couples report feeling more disconnected than ever - especially in the bedroom. The term sexless relationship may sound extreme, but it’s more common than you think. According to several studies, as many as 15–20% of couples are in relationships where sexual intimacy happens no more than 10 times per year. For some, it stops altogether.

In an article titled ‘Sexless Relationships Are More Common Than You Think’, written by Marie Suszynski, a licensed marriage and family therapist, Katie Gilly, expresses that “it’s often taboo to talk about sex or shameful to admit to others that one is in a ‘sexless’ relationship, so we do not have a clear picture of the frequency of sexless marriages,” she says. “In my practice, of the couples that I work with, about 50 percent are in ‘sexless’ relationships.”

But how does this happen? And more importantly, can it be changed?

What Causes Physical Intimacy to Fade?

There is rarely one single cause. Rather, it's usually a gradual accumulation of changes in emotional, physical, or relational dynamics. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Stress and Fatigue: Daily responsibilities, whether work, parenting, or financial pressure - can exhaust the mental space needed for intimacy.
• Unresolved Conflict: Lingering resentment, poor communication or a breakdown in trust can make physical closeness feel emotionally unsafe.
• Mismatch in Libido: Differing sex drives, when left unspoken, often lead to frustration or avoidance rather than negotiation.
• Medical or Psychological Factors: Hormonal imbalances, depression, anxiety, or medication side effects can all significantly reduce desire.
• Over-Familiarity: Ironically, deep companionship can sometimes become platonic if romantic gestures and erotic energy are no longer nurtured.

Why Do So Many People Stay Silent?

Sexual silence is one of the most difficult patterns to break. Many couples feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit they’re not having sex, especially in a culture that places so much value on sexual performance and desirability.

But silence breeds more distance. When intimacy disappears, it often becomes the elephant in the room and one that neither partner knows how to address without triggering defensiveness or hurt.

Rekindling Intimacy - It Starts Outside the Bedroom

Rebuilding physical intimacy is possible but it often begins far from the bed. Here are some foundational steps:

1. Have the Hard Conversation Talk honestly about what’s missing and why. Avoid blame. Use “I” statements and focus on emotional needs.

2. Rebuild Emotional Safety Physical closeness thrives on emotional safety. That might mean spending intentional time together, rebuilding trust, or setting new boundaries.

3. Explore Non-Sexual Touch Reintroduce physical closeness slowly through cuddling, hand-holding, or back rubs. These simple acts can break the ice and release oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

4. Understand Each Other's Desires Many couples assume they know what their partner wants… but rarely ask. Try exploring our libido category in our Couples Sex Quiz to better understand how desire works for each of you.

5. Seek Professional Support Couples therapists or sex therapists can offer tools and frameworks to navigate this space with compassion and clarity.

You're Not Alone

Being in a sexless relationship doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. It means there’s something deeper worth listening to and space for meaningful reconnection.

Whether you're looking to rekindle passion or simply understand your partner better, exploring your individual desires and communication styles can be a powerful first step. Our Couples Sex Quiz or libido category in particular may give you both the language to start again - with curiosity, not criticism.